Black Beauty
My hiatus from blogosphere can be attributed to the new addition to my family - a luvvly black Deutsche Dogge, Romeo. Should’ve named him Centaur, ‘cos his expressions are so human and the boy’s got the body of a pony! When I walk him around the neighborhood, I constantly hear “Did he come with a saddle?” Yeah, the handsome hunk is THAT big, but nowhere close to being fully-grown. He keeps me busy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My other black beauty, a VW Jetta, is taking a good bit of my time, and I don’t regret that either. Full story? Here goes:
I put my car up for sale a month ago. Did the usual stuff – washed, polished, removed crumbs from 2001, and advertised on 3 major websites. Little did I know what was to follow. Come weekend and I turn off comedy central to answer my phone, ‘cos baby, this is real, live entertainment…at least the way it goes on in my head. A snippet perhaps? I don’t see why not!
Prospective Buyer (PB): “ Are you close to your car?”
Me: “Err…I don’t kiss it goodnight, but I am pretty close. Why do you ask?”
PB: “Can you give me the date of manufacture?”
Me: “A what?? OK hold on. On the engine it says 6/1/2001 and looks like a signature…Pedro maybe. While I’m at it, would you like me to read off the expiry date as well?”
PB2: “Any major accidents?”
Me: “No. Just one minor parking lot incident. That’s been fixed.”
PB2: “Any scratches on the car?”
Me: “Are you kidding me? I drove around for 106,000 miles with the protective plastic film that came with the new car.”
PB3: “Does it have a moonroof?”
Me: ”Does it say in the ad that it has a moonroof? BTW, watch the road while you drive, you moron!”
PB4: “I don’t have $6,750. All I have is $5,500.”
Me: “The private party value is $7,100. I can give you a discount of $800 on that price. That should take care of the timing belt replacement. That’s my final offer”
PB4: “ OK, so you are willing to sell it for $5,500 then?”
Me: “Sure! Go ahead and keep the change…and enroll your illiterate ass in a basic math course.”
PB5: “Nice car!”
Me: “Thanks! Here’s the key. Feel free to test drive it to your satisfaction”
PB5: “No, that’s OK. I have driven Jettas before.”
Me: “What?? Next!”
PB6:”Tell me what’s wrong with your car. I want it for my kid, so safety is very important.”
Me: “Sure, I understand. I put your kid’s life above mine. I drive to get killed.”
PB7: “Is the car in running condition?”
Me: “Yes. I drive it to work at least once a week.”
PB7: “How about the transmission?”
Me: “I get by with neutral, and sometimes use reverse.”
People are strange. I like that.
I put my car up for sale a month ago. Did the usual stuff – washed, polished, removed crumbs from 2001, and advertised on 3 major websites. Little did I know what was to follow. Come weekend and I turn off comedy central to answer my phone, ‘cos baby, this is real, live entertainment…at least the way it goes on in my head. A snippet perhaps? I don’t see why not!
Prospective Buyer (PB): “ Are you close to your car?”
Me: “Err…I don’t kiss it goodnight, but I am pretty close. Why do you ask?”
PB: “Can you give me the date of manufacture?”
Me: “A what?? OK hold on. On the engine it says 6/1/2001 and looks like a signature…Pedro maybe. While I’m at it, would you like me to read off the expiry date as well?”
PB2: “Any major accidents?”
Me: “No. Just one minor parking lot incident. That’s been fixed.”
PB2: “Any scratches on the car?”
Me: “Are you kidding me? I drove around for 106,000 miles with the protective plastic film that came with the new car.”
PB3: “Does it have a moonroof?”
Me: ”Does it say in the ad that it has a moonroof? BTW, watch the road while you drive, you moron!”
PB4: “I don’t have $6,750. All I have is $5,500.”
Me: “The private party value is $7,100. I can give you a discount of $800 on that price. That should take care of the timing belt replacement. That’s my final offer”
PB4: “ OK, so you are willing to sell it for $5,500 then?”
Me: “Sure! Go ahead and keep the change…and enroll your illiterate ass in a basic math course.”
PB5: “Nice car!”
Me: “Thanks! Here’s the key. Feel free to test drive it to your satisfaction”
PB5: “No, that’s OK. I have driven Jettas before.”
Me: “What?? Next!”
PB6:”Tell me what’s wrong with your car. I want it for my kid, so safety is very important.”
Me: “Sure, I understand. I put your kid’s life above mine. I drive to get killed.”
PB7: “Is the car in running condition?”
Me: “Yes. I drive it to work at least once a week.”
PB7: “How about the transmission?”
Me: “I get by with neutral, and sometimes use reverse.”
People are strange. I like that.
3 Comments:
Hilarious :))
Didnt learn to drive in neutral in driving school
:-D Thank you!
Latest addition (Irishman):
PB8: "Your kickboards have some kind of marks. Do you think they'll come off easy? Your shoes hit it when you get out, yeah?"
Me: " That was a hard one to figure out. Thanks to your superior reasoning skills, I can take one for the buyers and stop wearing shoes, yeah?"
:) lol. long time, how're u doing? did u sell ur car?
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