Monday, February 12, 2007

Utterly Butterly

Crossed the Atlantic twice in less than a fortnight. My yearly pilgrimage to "Pub City" (more like BPO city now) was a lot shorter than usual, than desired. Much has been said and written about the changing culture and landscape of Bangalore. So, I shall not get on that soapbox. Although I might get my little toe on it and say how ridiculously expensive it would be if you choose to place your soapbox in some parts of the town…correction, ANY part of the town. 'Real' estate? Un'freakin'real! I was checking my pulse at the mention of real estate prices in parts of the city I didn't even know existed! Who's buying all that land? Who are these people? Where are they coming from? What do they want from my city? …and more importantly, why did they name the circle close to my property after Deve Gowda's wife? This Gowda dude grabs most of Bangalore, while his sons grab the rest back from Bangarappa. Ouch!! My toe hurts! I'ma get off the box for now, but will revisit this soon. You better watch out Gowda. I don't like Deve you or your sons behave ra, poriki rascal.

Hmmm…about my trip? I was forced to fly a certain airline although I'd sworn 5 years ago that I'd never do it again. No regrets whatsoevva, miles or not! Why? Here you go –

The stewardess (who BTW is not fit to be cast in a B-grade movie as an extra) is busy handing out lunch…maybe dinner? Who knows, who cares? In a world of pressurized cabins and shared armrests, just bring down the blinds and bring out the bite-sized feast. I get mine. Aight babe, let's get this going now. Here's a dinner roll. Prior experience tells me that if I can find that butter and place it on the hot food I can get it to melt - golden! After a few moments of playing lift, look, poke, read, smell, I give up.

Me: "Excuse me, can I get some butter?"
Flight Fairy: "Sure sir."
Time elapsed: 1 minute
FF:" Sir, we don't serve butter."
Me: "Why not?"
FF: "The meal trays are set sir, we just don't serve butter with this meal."
Me (discreetly pointing toward a neighbor's tray): "How come he has it?"
FF: "Oh! I'll be right back sir."
Time elapsed: 2 minutes
FF: "Sir, that's a vegetarian meal. We serve butter only with vegetarian meals."
Me: "What?" (Wow lady, you made that up during your catwalk, didn't ya? You should ask for a division switch, policy perhaps?)
Awkward silence
Me (this time pointing to a carnivore neighbor's tray): "How about him? He has chicken as well as butter!"
FF: "Let me check sir."
Time elapsed: 5 minutes
FF: "Here you go sir. Sorry about that."
Me: "Thank you!"

Boy, I had to fight for every damn delicious calorie. It was a cause worth fighting for… for me, and for my people in the economy class. I don't feel inferior anymore. They can pull their curtains close - those snooty, champagne drinking 'first-class' morons in their recline-all-you-want seats, and their plush-and-only-for-me armrests. I am a winner, and nobody can make me feel otherwise! On that note, I shall hit pause for now, and hopefully write more often this year. Ciao!

5 Comments:

Blogger second_wind said...

hehehe ...Am glad u got ur butter eventually :)

2:06 PM, February 18, 2007  
Blogger Mace3 said...

Me too! :-) It's just not the same without butter, is it?

2:58 PM, February 19, 2007  
Blogger chérie said...

You think the flight fairy thought you did not "need" the extra butter? I hear they don't serve butter to people with a BMI of over 30 ;) Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that you are circumferencly challenged!

3:35 PM, February 20, 2007  
Blogger Mace3 said...

Woman, you so funny! Yes, I admit I've covered my bones well.

Does the stewardess slow down when she talks to you? I hear they do that for people with an IQ less than 30 ;) Don't get me wrong (if at all you get me). I'm not suggesting that you are mentally challenged...I am clearly stating it.

Have fun at the batting cage!...and don't forget to duck! :-)

4:23 PM, February 20, 2007  
Blogger Mace3 said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4:23 PM, February 20, 2007  

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