The life and times of Scammy

Have you ever met someone with an I.Q. of that of a dried banana peel, or a defunct fire hydrant? Meet Scammy.

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who’d put a stuck record to shame, and makes you realize that reading lips is not hard when your eardrums are resonating with the same friggin-quency for the last hour or so? Meet Scammy, again.

Has anyone at work pushed you to jab a pencil in your ear, pound a dozen whiteouts, and hang yourself from the false ceiling with your mouse cord? Oh for the love of Goddess Abhirami, meet Scammy!

I need to breathe now, take a timeout, consider anger management, and put a good defense attorney’s number on my speed dial…and maybe a bail bondsman too. Or else, I’d be writing from cell block D with a stink that reaches the warden’s house past the moat. You’re darned right! No shower -> no soap -> no soap slipping ->no reaching for it-> no ahem…no-no! M3 ain’t going down like that.

Sorry, I took off on a tangent. Now, coming back to the said manure sans nutrients – Scammy. Where do I start? He is an ‘engineer’ who ‘works’ in our division, and by a heavy stroke of misfortune (or His weird sense of humor), sits right next to me…actually separated by a thin partition wall that can be easily circumvented by a quick pushback move on his chair – the Scammobile. I am currently watching Ali and working on my powerpunch. And yeah, a day will dawn when you can hear the crickets and see the big hole in the partition wall. When that happens, I will go down in the division’s history books as the Savior. The state will put tax payer’s money to better use, thousands of gallons of whiteouts will serve their actual purpose, and the false ceilings will stay. The only flipside to all of this - Novell would lose its one and only admirer of the ctrl-alt-del screen! For real, this man stares at the login screen from 8:00 am till about 10:00 am EVERY SINGLE DAY!! Hmmm, maybe that’s a subliminal message board. Who knows?...or as one of my coworkers explains “Scammy must be trying to figure out how to hit all 3 buttons at the same time.” LOL!!!

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, someone taped his office phone. The phone rang during his subliminal message board reading hours. He picks up the receiver and says the usual “This is Scammy, blah de blah blah.”

But the phone still keeps ringing. :-) Isaac Scammy figures it out 20 minutes later.

Scammy: “Guys, who did this??”
We: “The what? Who???”
Scammy: “This is not funny! Why would someone do that?”
Me: (in thoughts only): “You have no idea how funny this is Scamboy. I’m sure you’ll enjoy this more than my other trick that’ll leave my knuckles smelling of your aftershave. Oh, it’s coming baby. I just need to put in a few speed dial numbers and your number will be up. Until then, enjoy your ctrl-alt-del”